once again i make a discovery of my life

i have no mechanical skills, or if i do they are not well crafted at all,

i have no common sense, or if so not for the maintenance world,

i have a lot of patience with others, however very few have patience with myself,

i appear very stupid at times, making decisions that are stupid, saying things that are stupid and performing task in the stupidest way,

i need a degree, and perhaps two to survive in the real world.

as written it was a frustrating day at work. i spent the large majority of my time with one of the maintenance men which i regularly work with, but only for brief moments during the day. he assumes that all around him know exactly what he means when he speaks, and has no patience with those other wise. he has a short temper, which results in frequent yelling. on top of this, i had to drive a cart with a sprayer in the back with him. the forward driving isn't bad, but my inexperience in backwards driving causes a stir of entertainment on his part. i think he wants to teach me, but chooses to by watching and laughing. i have no clue why it is assumed i know so much about driving, and about cars, and about mechanics. i know nothing of the matter, except how to start them, wash them, and how to pay someone to fix them. in fact i ride a bicycle to work daily, that alone should carry out the point!

yet with it many important lessons were taught. the majority of my fellow classmates who struggle with classes have many trades up their sleeves, always ready incase higher education does not work out for them. factories, foundries, tool and die, the list goes on and on. also having muscles to do every day work are a plus. i have none of those skills, and quite honestly never will. while that does not damper my life in any sense, it carries out a strong point of how the only way i can survive is by skills of the mind, and not of the body. a hundred years ago i would be in poverty. without the proper speech therapy i would had been paralyzed to speak to others, and without the proper body build i would had been sent near death. yet somehow i was protected by the gift of technology, and saved to this moment, and this time.

just the thought that in the past i would had been a mute or rambling beggar, and in the future perhaps exactly the same, for the moment i was sent in as a person with talents. talents which can be used. several i know talk of living life to the fullest, and that we will all face death and that we should enjoy the moment, yet with the fact that we can enjoy life to the fullest, that gives us a huge responsibility to take what we have and use it, to help others who now may be what we would had been a century ago to become productive into the world, allowing the next great minds and talents to once again have that awesome task and once again do wonders. i could be selfish, and oftentimes, in fact the majority of the time i am, but yet what could i do to change the world. obviously not run machinery, or lift heavy equipment, but so many other possibilities.

sigh, jennifer told me she would be on between 9:30 and 10:00, and as the clock turns to 10:24, i sit here in the realization i was forgoten once more. sigh.

the boss wasn't at work today, which allowed for a relaxed laided back eight hours for my work day. although i must say the day wasn't much different than any other day. i realized sunday night upon hearing the noises of fast food beeps how i never want to be in a environment filled with constant noise, or noise of that extent. yes, a weed trimmer is constantly making noise, but it is not a rude loud noise. however the whole morning anger built up inside me, as i mentally replayed events of the weekend, and how bothered i was from particular words, puzzled from others, and scared from yet others. words mean a lot to me, and being insulted over and over hurt. i kept asking myself, why i never replied, or was open with how i felt. yet my openness would just have me appear as week, or 'lets do this just for eric.' i just wish people would understand that hearing about my death from sharks, or mocking my speech (which being a physical impairment is just like mocking a person in a wheelchair or one who is blind), really bother me, and are taken as personal attacks. noone understands how i fell, because if they did i wouldn't be put in the same situaiton time and time over again. yet talking to joey

friday night the special goodness cd i had ordered a week earlier came in. i was so excited about it, and even more so after hearing all of the songs. yes, a few of them had guitar almost too rough for myself, and some of the lryics didn't seem developed, but i loved it. i often time to not get to enjoy underground music, unless it is local bands i hear and have recordings of. ussually their cd's will stay untouched for weeks on end, but once put out listened to time and time again and loved, and they are never thrown away or forgotten. in the future i wish for my own group to record. the bad dog iv prehaps soon? maybe, maybe not, only time this summer will tell.

i saw star wars tonight. at first i wasn't very excited about it, and recomended to see another movie, but watching it made all the difference. the classical begining...and the transitions, it was fun. i must say the acting reached a new level of low, and the story line was very very weak until the last thirty five minutes, and anikien pouted like melon hatfield, but with all of that i fell in love with the final part, and with Yoda saber fighting. infact they had a lot of Yoda in the movie, which i enjoied, but honestly needed more. Yoda was awesome, and his fighting was the best seen in any movie for a very very long time. remove the crapy love story, and the weak story line, and just have Yoda, chanting wise words of the force, and kicking butt for two hours. it would be awesome. Yoda: The Movie. that's what i'm saying.

some weekends are busy, and this one was very busy. sometimes one needs to go to work to relax, and thank goodness i have a job which i can do that. the stresses of complaining residents and company politics are very small, and make the job entertaining, and everything else is simple yard work, peacefully alone. nice.

sweet home chicago

yesterday a handful of us went up to chicago to go mesume watching for the day. the mesume hunting was alright, but the really fun part was chicago, and the really freaky part was driving in chicago, which i had the um honor to do so. once we got there we looked out at the navy pier, yet the other three had no desire to walk out and view the beautiful city of chicago. i need to take the guys up there for a few days.

anywho i am beat, and have a gig in a hour. later