the brisk winds upon my back continually attempt to put the hood of my grey jacket upon my head. i move, and so does the dominat breeze. with a week of calmness yet muckyness the wind is a relief, along with the warm evening sun. rough sounds come from the trimmer, and with a brief pause i look up, smile, and fix the trimmer. a beautiful spring evening, that holds on forever.

i finally got my keyboard exchanged. now with a functional one i must say i love it. not for years has typing felt so light and free. yet i have been typing upon the exact same packard bell keyboard for seven and a half years. so while to friends and aquientces my buying a new keyboard seemed silly, and spending thirty dollars seemed silly to. yet all of us need obcessions in life, don't we?

i just realized that cinco de mayo was last week. back in high school news of that holiday was big, with the large number of mexican imigrants in the area, yet there are none at manchester college. while big notices are made of islamic holidays, nothing was made of the largest mexican holiday. i find that distrubing, for a college that preaches openness to all. i guess the only people the college care about are those that can afford to attend their campus. or maybe the protest...um i mean peace study students are too busy trying to support sucide bombers. but i won't go into that...

mom snaped at me today, when i mentoned how the walnut trees that were suppose to go pay for patrick and i education are still standing, and how while i'm okay with paying my way, being told lies as a small child really hurts. she just went off and said how low that was, and that they try their hardest...and tried to make me fell bad. i mean, if my parents were honest up front and told me of my college payments, instead of trying to sound like the perfect parents sacerficing themselves for my future, then i wouldn't be so cold. on top of that braty kids that plan to go to college and party (bryan kuhn) are getting a large sum of their college paided for by their parents...and they don't think anything of it. i'm gonna work my ass off to be a good parent and help my children though college, but i'm not gonna use it as a guilt trip and i'm gonna make sure they deserve it. does it really make you that much better of a person to be in debt for the first twenty years of your life just to be middle class? i think not. disagree all you want.

humm i have been a rant and a half today, mainly because everyone has purposely pissed me off it seems, and it's finals week. sigh. oh well.

thick raindrops fall upon the tall springtime grass. looking out beyond the drops stuck on the screen door, i wonder if it is ever going to stop raining, yet deep inside beg for it never to stop. i throw on my shoes, and mentally drag my tired body around for two hours, to physics, and then directly back to bed. finally after a delightful two hour nap i am functionable for human life.

the final week of classes really drags me down. while ussually i can healthly function on five or six hours of sleep, suddenly my body is always tired, and demanding rest. the week long ritual of cramming material wears my body and soul, yet brings a inner excitement of learning. as the last exam is finished i am ready for another round, and to prepare once again for classes and learning. yet summer interrupts and to work i must.

i honestly cannot wait until a internship, or a job within my occupication. once my carraer begins it will go for years and years i know, yet the concept of getting a paycheck for a trade which i love just sounds incrediable. getting paid to write, and to share my knowlege, and ocassional opinion, and while being judged by a large audience with each published text, it would be so rewarding. writing for professors has its limited beneifts, but largely is temporary anoyance. oh well.

web blogs make me sick. for several weeks i was fanasted experiencing other peoples lives, and how so many openly shared them, yet in the end i found myself back loving the ocassional deep journal entry, and anoyed by the daily verbage. with that i try to avoid the blog trap once again, hopefully this time sucessful.

i surrived monday

i surrived two quizes, at least the economic one

i wrote a ten page paper, in four hours (although i spent over tweleve figuring it out)

i hugged jen

i now need to get ready for exams

good night

may five two thousand two

this has been a interesting weekend indeed already. it begun with the thought of one term paper and being alone, with my younger friends enjoying prom, my peers being busy with their friends comming back from school for the year (somehow i wasn't invited to any of that) and my fellow classmates at manchester enjoying may day. not being close to anyone at manchester i did believe i would be very isolated and lonely. yet late friday night Joey called and menoted a after prom party, and how he had invited a bunch of folks to come. so i spend my whole saturday cleaning up the yard and buying supplies for the big day. the night was spent with three of us sitting around a campfire waiting for the proms to finish, and expecting at least eight or nine people, if not more. yet when it was all said and done six were there, and for the majority of the time just four. sigh. oh well, i was able to enjoy a campfire and not fell so down about jennifer being away and all.

grandma called yesterday, she was very excited and thrilled about me moving onto campus next year, and saying how good it will be for me. i cannot wait to get out. right now i am in my own world, with my brothers friends ocassioanaly stopping in, jennifer..., and a general loniness. yet this next fall i will be forced just about to get out and enjoy the world, and to finally hang out with the loose collection of friends i have made along the way the past nine months. on top of that mom keeps asking me when i am going to date around, and that since jennifer is doing the things she does that i should go out and enjoy my life also. i don't know what to think about that, i'm not exactly ready to date...because i don't want a girl who's idea of a good time is getting drunk and so many of those who don't believe that are taken. who knows...it would just be nice to be back into a nice relationship like i had with jen...without all the mess. that would be nice.

anywho eric has a paper to write. ta ta ta